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Post by facm on Feb 7, 2009 12:19:46 GMT -5
Read scroll. *Note: if scroll if not in a language you understand, pretend to read it instead.
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Darth Marcos
Journeyman
My lightsaber is longer than yours!
I find your lack of faith disturbing.
Posts: 167
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Post by Darth Marcos on Feb 7, 2009 13:31:09 GMT -5
You stare at the scroll in amazement. You've never seen letters like this. They seem... familiar. Perhaps it is written in an ancient form of your native language! You're not about to let your inability to decipher this strange and cryptic language prevent you from imagining what it reads as though! In your wholly expert opinion, you determine that this is nothing more than an set of cake baking recipes. It's certainly formatted to be such. Also, at the bottom, that's probably suggesting to you to close all doors without any forethought. But you're not sure why cake baking instructions would require closed doors in order to create the confectionary treats. Maybe it was a cultural norm for the people that spawned this ancient script to bake with all the doors shut.
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Post by facm on Feb 7, 2009 13:38:38 GMT -5
Clearly, this is important. Store it for later.
For now, look down the hallway outside the door.
EDIT: scratch that. Slap yourself instead.
EDIT2: New plan: Make racecar noises with your lips. While doing all of the above.
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Darth Marcos
Journeyman
My lightsaber is longer than yours!
I find your lack of faith disturbing.
Posts: 167
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Post by Darth Marcos on Feb 10, 2009 10:45:36 GMT -5
As you try to enter the new area, the game suddenly shows you loading screen, as it tries furiously to load the contents of the next room into memory.
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Post by facm on Feb 10, 2009 18:51:34 GMT -5
Hmmm.. so this is black and white by design by system limits, apparently.
Open up the options menu and turn down the graphics. Maybe that'll speed things up. And turn sound off, that might help too.
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Darth Marcos
Journeyman
My lightsaber is longer than yours!
I find your lack of faith disturbing.
Posts: 167
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Post by Darth Marcos on Feb 17, 2009 10:37:18 GMT -5
Why there seems to be some sort of dead student in here! That or he's really passed out or something. Maybe he's been really really busy with life and school getting in the way of him updating shitty little drawings in under a week's time. Whatever the case, he seems like he remembers that this game exists and really plans to update it with something really really amazing (Read: He's building you guys up with time and tension. The next room will really suck, nothing spectacular) whenever he finds the chance to effectively waste time. You might just want to leave him alone for right now. This room kinda sucks.
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Darth Marcos
Journeyman
My lightsaber is longer than yours!
I find your lack of faith disturbing.
Posts: 167
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Post by Darth Marcos on Feb 23, 2009 20:29:50 GMT -5
THE GAME CONTINUES Rather than just look into the hallway, you walk right in. After all, caution is for pussies. You begin slapping yourself violently! OW [Your health and stamina drop]You begin making motorboat noises, but it's hard with all the slapping! You turn the game's graphics way down. You turn down the volu-
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Post by facm on Feb 23, 2009 20:40:04 GMT -5
Ok, this game is clearly crippled on this system. I guess this system just wasn't built to handle it, even on low settings. Only one thing to do here.
Find the instruction manual for the game, get the developer's address, and go hunt their asses down for making a black and white game a Core 2 Quad can't handle!
EDIT: and save before walking away. Don't want to lose my progress.
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Darth Marcos
Journeyman
My lightsaber is longer than yours!
I find your lack of faith disturbing.
Posts: 167
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Post by Darth Marcos on Feb 23, 2009 21:34:55 GMT -5
Editor's Note: Are you SURE you're not just asking for more "uncontrolled" delays with this?
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Post by facm on Feb 23, 2009 21:50:59 GMT -5
Throw the....... the fuck am I holding there? An oversized mouse? Is it half an egg crate? Maybe it's actually my hand, with no fingers? Wait, there might be fingers, if they're curled back like a fist. Yeah, that makes more sense. The fuck would I take a half-dozen eggs to a fight for anyways? Then again, they could be mildly useful in a long, drawn-out combat sequence on multiple vertical planes. Egg whites are pretty slippery, so they could certainly provide some advantage, as long as he doesn't have some kind of oil or KY jelly or something nearby. No, thats probably just wishful thinking, really. So, lets go back to plan A. Assuming he hasn't snuck away or anything. It looks like I'm blocking the only exit, but we've seen how camera angles are sneaky bastards like that. Only showing us about 90 degrees of a room at any given time. Maybe someone needs to write an engine that fisheyes the graphics to show you up to 180 degrees, with some distortion that only takes a little while to really understand. That would be pretty cool. Almost as cool as having eyes in the back of your head, which would be pretty cool when your hair isn't getting in them. Maybe a mystical third eye would be better, which just magically provides 360 degree vision, since hair doesn't ever poke you in a mystical third eye. Hey, I bet a mystical third eye would totally make up for whatever shitty game engine that was written in, since magic doesn't eat CPU power or need a badass graphics card, or any of that sort of shit. But that's best discussed later, at a more appropriate time. Now is the time for....... fuck, what did I come here for again? Something about a game developer, and shitty graphics, and...... half a dozen eggs? I guess I'm here to tell the game developer how he should package his game with a magical third eye to offset the graphics and/or borrow some eggs to bake cookies with. I mean, I am really pissed right now, and cookies would help that out A LOT. And this guy looks like the sort of dude that could understand a fellow gamer's cookie problems.
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Darth Marcos
Journeyman
My lightsaber is longer than yours!
I find your lack of faith disturbing.
Posts: 167
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Post by Darth Marcos on Feb 23, 2009 22:22:09 GMT -5
I don't even know how to BEGIN to draw that... action? Rant? So facm and the artist have a magical flying elephant adventure!
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Post by facm on Feb 23, 2009 22:48:20 GMT -5
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Magic Elephant, fly east!
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Darth Marcos
Journeyman
My lightsaber is longer than yours!
I find your lack of faith disturbing.
Posts: 167
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Post by Darth Marcos on Feb 23, 2009 23:15:53 GMT -5
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